Yoga, the path home

For me, yoga is about exploring one’s innermost core. It is written in the Bhagavad Gita that it is the journey via the self, through the self, to the self.

I have learned a few times that this path is not always easy, sometimes even very arduous and dark. Right now is such a time again. Yes, this is not an article about the brightly colored world of yogis in which we all happily hop across the meadow (we often do that too, but not always – at least I don’t). It’s also not about what great asanas you post on Instagram, Facebook, etc. to show off your slim, well-defined body. You can do that, but for me it’s not the essence of yoga… But it’s nice to look at, I admit. But that’s it. This is an article about shadows, my shadows, maybe yours too? Maybe you can relate, maybe you can’t understand some things. But that’s the way it is with paths, everyone has to find their own, very individual one.
Two weeks ago I was sitting unsuspectingly on my heart island of Mallorca, happy, relaxed, when out of the blue I received the news that my best friend from school had died, just like that, bam, without warning…. Gone, at 42, the same age as me. After the initial denial, the inability to comprehend, came the shock. No, that can’t be, not her, not so young, not just so suddenly. And then it strikes, the finality of this event. The fact that she will never come back, irreversible, unchangeable, nothing more to clarify, simply gone. And then came the tears, the suffering. And in the night came the guilt. A slowly starting carousel of thoughts that quickly gained momentum. We had only sporadic contact in recent years, wrote to each other occasionally, had few meetings. And of course I’m sorry. There is no longer the possibility to clarify anything, to say things that should or wanted to be said. And this is where yoga came into play. I have to deal with my own parts, I feel the suffering. Patanjali writes about this in the Yogasutra, that this clinging to suffering produces even more suffering, but overcoming the suffering holds great potential. Buddha also said “Letting go is the key to happiness.”
This includes self-reflection (Svadhyaya in yoga – one of the ten life recommendations of yoga, the Yamas and Niyamas) and also accepting one’s own shadow aspects. My husband (the psychologist) also always says, without shadow there is no light. We are here to learn and the first thing to do is to look at your own shadows and then accept them. Pretty difficult…. The realization of course that you have also made mistakes, but then not to put yourself down for it, but to recognize that I am also a human being, but willing to learn from it! And suddenly gratitude came, first a small ray of light, very tender, a small strip of bright light. I am grateful for the time we had together. Many great, shared experiences. I spent my youth with her, and she was, more than once, my rock in the surf of puberty. And now she has left me with a task, because I get to learn again. Even if it’s not easy right now, even if I don’t like to admit some things, even if I would sometimes prefer to run away, but that’s not an option. No, definitely not!
There it is again, very clear and crystal clear: the realization of what yoga gives me. That yoga is a path, a path to yourself! Not always easy, sometimes full of larger and smaller stones. Sometimes I don’t see the path correctly and then suddenly another fork appears, crystal clear and distinct: This is the way! And that’s what yoga is for me: A path, my path! I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you walk yours, with all its light and shadow!

Namaste