Did you treat yourself today?

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Today I want to delve into a topic that we all know (very well) but don’t like to talk about: envy. Oh, you might be thinking now, ‘I’m not envious. Envy isn’t a good feeling, it’s not yogic, you just don’t have it…’ I’ll make a provocative claim: Yes, you do! It’s an important and sometimes even good feeling; it’s all a matter of interpretation. And if you’re realizing right now that you don’t agree with me at all, you might still want to read on, because I think it’s always worth taking a look behind your own inner workings. Especially when we strongly resist something, or claim that we would never do or feel such a thing, it can sometimes be a form of defense or an unwillingness to acknowledge our own shadows. But these also belong to us and are an important part of our personality!

 Last weekend, I had a lovely conversation about this with a friend in the car (whose legs I’m envious of, by the way, because they look great in any leggings, but that’s another topic 🙂 ). She told me she was envious of me, saying I saw my path so clearly and knew where I wanted to go. Then she said it was uncomfortable for her, because envy was somehow silly… At this point, thanks again, dear L., for your openness and your kind words! After our conversation, I thought, wow, yes, it’s a matter of perspective. After my husband also happened to bring up this topic this morning, I thought it was worth a blog post. My husband (the psychologist) generally finds all feelings important to look at and always says, “It’s just human nature.” Because we all have all these parts within us, whether we want to or not.

From an early age, we are very clearly shown which feelings or words are desired and which are not so welcome. And sometimes we then think that there are feelings that are not good at all. It’s already written in the Bible, ‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, field, etc.’ So, from the very beginning, being envious has had the taste of ‘yuck,’ ‘not good,’ ‘you mustn’t do that.’ Envy simply has a negative connotation. In Yoga, among the Yamas, we also find a life recommendation for this, namely Aparigraha (non-attachment, non-desire). Here, one could certainly also include the concept of envy. Perhaps this is a good time to ask yourself what envy means (for me personally). For me, envy as such is primarily a feeling, and it should first be perceived without judgment. I can be envious of all sorts of things. Then there’s a big difference: do I envy a person something in the sense of begrudging them? Then that’s clearly not nice! But I can also feel envy because the person might have achieved something that I would also like to achieve. And so this feeling can show me what I want to achieve (I then also wish that person well!) and spur me on to realize my goal. So, it’s all a matter of perspective! And isn’t that what the Yoga path teaches us? To change our own perspective, to adopt a different point of view? Don’t we also do inversions for that? So, how about an inversion in your mind and perhaps questioning your own judgments a little? For me, that fits well with the second Yama: Satya (truthfulness). Truly perceiving and dealing with my own feelings. Because yes, I am sometimes envious! Otherwise, I might not have known what I wanted. I have seen opportunities in other people that I then also made my own! I wish everyone success, knowing that most have worked very hard for it and often made many sacrifices. And if it just fell into someone’s lap: Congratulations. Then be happy for that person. Because I am convinced that the subtle differentiation makes the difference: ill will is a bad advisor. Rejoicing with someone, compassion, and being able to be happy for others make you happy. So, allow yourself a benevolent envy and rejoice with others! In this spirit: May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you walk through life with ease! (Maitri Mantra)

Namaste, Your Sandra